I love you too.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiim.

"No evil befalls on the earth nor in your own souls,

but it is in a book before We bring it into existence;

surely that is easy to Allah.

So that you may not grieve for what has escaped you,

nor be exultant at what He has given you;

and Allah does not love any arrogant boaster"

(QURAN verse 57:22-23) 

Don’t you worry mommy.. For destiny will never been switched.

.

I remember how happy you were when those two red lines came out. You ran to Pa, showed those lines to him with your ear-to-ear smile.

I remember Pa's particular smile as he held your hand in the hospital waiting room when you both wanted to see me for the first time. 5th week of gestation. TVS showed that I was just a tiny tiny cystic mass. I was just that small. Yet, you both smiled.

I remember those clearly. So should you, mommy.

You started to have bleeding just three days after that. I remember how you feel.. The intense worry, sadness, and confusion. You were worried that you would lost me. Pa did understand your feeling and said, “That’s okay.. He’s not belong to us. Bukan punya kita.” He was right. And you knew he was right. Nothing is actually belong to you.

The bleeding didn’t stop for few days. Some tissue came out at the seventh day. 6th week of gestation. TVS showed that I was no longer there.

That’s really okay to be sad, mommy. I was sad too. :(

.

But would it not be better to cherish happy moments, rather than be sad? Those two red lines.. Pa’s smile.. Tiny cystic mass me..

Would it not be better to express gratitude for what’s given to you, rather than grieve what’s taken from you? 

 

It’s been a month now. Be happy, mommy. And always be happy for others’ happiness.

If something is meant to you, it will come to you.

Don’t be sad. Don’t be afraid... For Our Lord is All Seeing and All Hearing.

You know I love you.